Me dicen que soy de aca, yo digo que soy de alla, me quieran llevar pa' alla, pero yo digo que no puedo dejar aca, me dicen que aca hay algo, pero cuentan que alla hay mas, el problema es que no pertenezco, ni aqui, ni alla
(They tell me that I am from here, but I told me them I am from over there, they want to take me overthere, mas I said I cannot leave here, they tell me there is something here, but they said there's more over there, the only problem is that I do not belong, to here, or over there)
Contructivism is the theory of knowledge which argues that human generate knowledge and meaning from interactions between experiences and ideas. To be destructive relate to the the idea of causing irreparable harm or damage. In this paper I write irreparable wounds which healing requires dementia and subjugation. The process of amelioration requires social disruption, cultural chaos, and self-irresponsibility. The simplicity is mere fantasy, the dream of utopia relates to ancestry, and ancestry become the verge of pardon. Ancestry becomes depressive, formality obligation, and equality a feminist collapse. Opening spaces, means you close them, entering spaces, means you cannot understand them.
My colonized name means I am of bright fame in a Germanic language. My last name gives me power, it reminds settler colonial misfortune. My presence is noticed, and my voice ominous. Many say you grow up to have an abnormal sexuality, many howl is a personal choice. Others dare to involve genetic formation and arithmetic data, while others ignore it, it is customary malady. None of you are right. Now, this might be a basal argument, but anti-racism was a mental disease during transatlantic times,then, that such claims are worthless, inverted and anachronistic.
My writing might cause befuddled homo sapiens to ignore it, hopefully it does, I write entanglements for a reason, it com-modifies knowledge and produces perfectly inventive yahoos, after all, intangible voices are commercialized. If this does not lights neuron energies, sequence tv.com and search "the 1.3 million total viewers, the Wedding... became the highest rated episode in the series history with nearly 3.2 million viewers and also brought in the highest rating in the women 18-34 demographic E! had ever had" ( Wikipedia, 2011). What is the political, anthropological, physiological, Darwinian explanation to such human velleity. If sanity is defined in terms of the 3.2 million watchers, then the out of Africa theory over the development of brain is right, brain developed to caprice and dejection.
Some might might thing I am indulgent, unorthodox, and even supportive of a permissive society. Such conceptualizations are not only incorrect, but Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi would agree with his "flow" theory that I am a Buddha ambassador. That is exactly my point. I cannot learn ancestal philosophies because they were historically denied, so I use euro-centric social approaches of liberation to free myself from post-colonial contemporary docket? Underground much? Africanist much? Indigenist much? Orientalist much? Perhaps, I posture the same question to Eurocentrist zealots, taking an global theoritical and philosophical approach is impossible. Defining such term requires humilliation and chaos. The reason? Social reformation over colonial suffering and disorder requires the inverted form of afliction, it was painful master. It requires definite ignorance of European models for 500 in the Americas and Africa, and Asia, demarchy I call upon you.
I decide to deine me as idiosyncratic from here precisely because I have a hanging tool, a powerful tool, a marginal tool, a defining tool, a procreative machine, destructive production of tears and bewail. My tool constructs my internal democratization, a lawful game of safeness and accommodation. The mechanical utensil subjugates me, it pleasures me, merriment my dignity. Because of it I cannot understand a secret world, aloof spaces, glorious constellations. Because of it a part of myself mutilated dances, like a moribund bird, singing murkiness and dolor.
Two-spirt they say, berdache they materialize, a spirit becomes academic proof of third-gender dynamics but I've revolved words around for too long, so I declare a SEPARATE NATION for native third-gender folks. A sovereignty, autonomy, and ethnocracy- A berdachy, an indigesy, a femanesty. I will not longer bound to the conceptual forms of all oppressive institutionalized, individual, collective, racial, feminist, machista, nepantlistas, aztlanistas. I declare the nation of the brown-skin metaphorical where tool full men, as I, seem and will be trapped between the machista discourse and the feminist responsibility. Neither understand us, neither ascults us. The machine and the ladder of oppression it not vertical women of color, or queer women of color, it is unbroken and deep holes function at the edges. Neplanta is not for me, such fantasy has not been created for us because the beautiful radiant power energy of vaginal and cisgendered women contains within divine women. We berdaches are still broken syllables except and without liberation ideas. I abnegate vaginal berdache women because they are not like me, not I am like them. I speak of us, the forgotten, the ones without rumbo.
Somos los que le lloran al camino, en un circulo de hombres eres mujer, en un circulo de mujer eres hombre. En un circulo de los dos, eres materia perdida, energia agotada, pensando demasiado en los rincones de dolor. Mi espalda esta cansada y mi alma desgastada. En laberintos escondo mi corage, sin rumbo ni de aqui, ni de alla.
